Thinking Outside Her Box:
A Primer on Sexual Cliteracy

by Ian Kerner, Ph.D.

Unsolved Mysteries. America’s Most Wanted. Without A Trace. It’s the way most of us guys feel about the female orgasm—it belongs right up there on the back of the milk carton. Let’s face it: Pleasuring a woman is like an episode of CSI (in this case, Climax Scene Investigation); we’re always looking for hard evidence.

Most guys know more about what’s under the hood of a car than the hood of a clitoris. We’re woefully “ill-cliterate,” which is a shame when you consider that the clitoris—with more than 18 parts, twice as many nerve endings as the penis, and the enviable ability to produce multiple orgasms—is the indisputable powerhouse of the female orgasm.

Fortunately, multiple orgasms mean multiple ways to produce them, so in the spirit of resourcefulness, here are some sexual survival tips for making it happen.

Ladies first

When it comes to satisfying a woman, a little old-fashioned chivalry goes a long way. Lest you think the importance of such courtesy is over-exaggerated, direct your attention to Lorena Bobbitt who, when questioned by police as to why she cut off her husband’s penis, responded, “He always has an orgasm and doesn’t wait for me. It’s unfair.” Need one say more?

The simple fact is that the male orgasm typically comes easy. Masters and Johnson dubbed it “ejaculatory inevitability” and the late Dr. Alfred C. Kinsey, famous for interviewing thousands about their sex lives, declared that 75 percent of men ejaculate within two minutes.

Is it any surprise, then, that researchers from the University of Chicago declared in the 1994 “Sex in America Survey” that men reach orgasm during intercourse far more consistently than do women, and that three fourths of men, but less than a third of women, always have orgasms? That means more than two out of three women on average are consistently denied their climax—good reason to start hiding the cutlery.

Studies such as those by Kinsey and Masters & Johnson have concluded that, among women whose partners spent 21 minutes or longer on foreplay, only 7.7 percent failed to reach orgasm consistently. That’s a shift of tectonic proportions, from two out of three women not being able to reach climax to nine out of ten achieving satisfaction, all because of a matter of minutes.

So take the path of the true gentleman: Postpone your pleasure. As Sir Thomas Wyatt, father of the English sonnet, wrote, “Patience shall be my song.”

Think outside the box

Rare is the man who boasts in the locker room, “I made love to her as subtly and lightly as a feather” or, “I grazed her vulva as with the delicate wings of a butterfly.” Yet such language would be appropriate, since the inner two-thirds of the vagina are substantially less sensitive than the outer third. So think outside the box (pun definitely intended), but know that the clitoris is extremely sensitive to physical sensation and needs to be properly prepped for serious stimulation. Avoid her genitals and go easy on the breasts for a good 10 to 15 minutes. As one woman commented, “There’s no greater turn-on than when a guy’s lying on top of you and you’re both still wearing your clothes. You know they’re going to come off, but you don’t know exactly when or how, and it’s a precious moment.”

It doesn’t always have to involve immediate genital contact. Difficult as it may be, it’s important to separate the concept of procreation from pleasure: The penis, by dint of its convenient fit into the vagina, may play an instrumental role in the former, but that doesn’t mean it’s ideally suited to the latter.

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