Lust, Romance, and Attraction: The Drive to Love.
by Alex Steele
I know a boy who makes my heart race, brightens my day, and inspires me to sing. Maybe one day, I’ll tell him that I love him with all my brain – maybe not. After Helen Fisher’s talk on Lust, Romance, and Attraction: The Drive to Love, I seriously considered it, though.
On Wednesday, Dr. Fisher discussed her research and hypotheses on our amorous experiences in relation to the unique aspects of our brains and a variety of hormones. She freely moved between the audience’s questions and her own entertaining presentation, stressing three main points:
1. Her research indicates there are three prongs to what we call “love” each with hormonal associations. There is a sex drive (testosterone), romantic attraction (dopamine norepinephrine), and emotional attachment (oxytocin, vasopressin).
2. Men and women are equally romantic. When in love, they exhibit the same signs (heightened energy, focused attention, craving for emotional union, etc.) regardless of how they fall in love. “Some people have sex first, then fall in love. Some fall head over heels, then climb into bed. Some feel deeply attached to someone they have known for months or years, then circumstances change. They fall madly in love and have sex.”
3. The reason why someone chooses to be with one person over another is more complicated than simple factors like good timing, proximity, similar backgrounds, and such. People usually look for people who compliment them in term of personality traits Dr. Fisher broke down into four main personalities that she deemed “adventurers,” “builders/guardians,” “directors,” and “negotiators.”
Adventurers are typically more, well, adventurous. These people are more spontaneous, sexual, energetic, and have lots of interests. Examples: President Obama and Angelina Jolie
Builders (or guardians) are conventional, orderly, calm, and display numeric creativity. Examples: Collin Powel and Tiger Woods
Directors are analytical, tough minded, pragmatic, self disciplined, and musically inclined. Examples: John McCain and Hillary Clinton
Negotiators are socially skilled, nurturing, imaginative, mentally flexible, and see the big picture. Examples: Oprah Winfrey and Bill Clinton
Through her research, Dr. Fisher has concluded that adventurers go well with adventurers, builders with builders, directors with negotiators, and negotiators with directors.
Despite her excellent credentials and assuring years of experience, I was disappointed by this explanation of compatibility. Her theory made sense and was an obvious success when implemented for match-making on Chemistry.com, but I prefer to believe that people are more individual to be so neatly categorized and paired.
As if to address my concern, Helen Fisher concluded her talk with further exploration her four personality system. “None of us are any one personality,” she clarified, “but we are all unique mixtures of these qualities. By identifying the strongest personality trait, we can help connect people seeking love.”
Whether or not Dr. Fisher has discovered a way to match anyone with a true love, I enjoyed her talk and I am glad that people are pushing the frontiers of science in an area that affects us all.
